Three Kisses
by jj1980
Summary: JohnElizabeth fic, set in between The Storm and The Eye. How is that possible, you ask? Come in and find out...
1. Chapter 1

**Three Kisses**

_I have never slept with John Sheppard._

Right now, this was all she could think of. Kolya's gun was pointed at and his words still reverberated through her. "Say goodbye to Dr. Weir."

She was sure it was customary in such moments to have one's life passing in front of one's eyes, good times, bad times, momentous events – a private clip show of one's mind. But no such thing. It stunned her, really, that her analytical mind seemed to shut down entirely in a moment like this, managing to focus on one aspect, one emotion entirely. Especially since it was one that, as a rule, she tried to ignore and store away as silly. But for some reason, all she could think of was that in the months she'd known him now, all the tension and the sparks she and John had generated between them, had never led to anything more than a kiss.

Well, three kisses to be exact. Three kisses that had held so much desire, so much comfort and this tantalizing promise for something more – a promise that would never be fulfilled now. That much was clear as she stared into Kolya's cold eyes, that were measuring her from behind his pistol.

She could hear John's voice screaming his name over the radio, offering him all sorts of irrational deals if he spared her. From beside her, Rodney's sheer terror was like a tangible heat wave, even though she couldn't see him. Her eyes were fixed on the man in front of her.

"Kolya don't do this!" The desperation in John's voice hurt her more than any of his bullets ever could. And again, her mind travelled back in time, away from the raging storm outside, the imminent death and the Genii trying to take her home away.

Three kisses. The first had been a surprise, even though she had initiated it. The guilt had been terrible, afterwards. Barely a week away from Simon, she was already betraying his trust with the first attractive male to cross her path. But she had reasoned with herself that it didn't have to do with any attraction she might or might not have felt, even then, towards John Sheppard. At that moment, it had just been a matter of being there for him, showing empathy and consideration. She hadn't even intended to kiss him, just… hell, she still didn't know. It had just happened.

* * *

He was the last to stay on the balcony after their celebration had broken up. Everybody, Athosians as well as expedition members, had been surprisingly thorough at cleaning up their own mess, so the place looked like nothing had happened at all. Elizabeth just wanted to look things over one last time before she retired to her quarters for some well deserved rest.

That's when she saw him. He was standing at the railing not far from the spot where they'd had their argument on the previous day. From the look on his face as he stared out onto the dark ocean, he was miles away in thought. Elizabeth didn't have to guess what he was pondering. She could still hear his words. "Yes, but I have to live with it."

Sighing, she went to lean over the railing beside him. "Why don't you try and get some sleep?"

He didn't flinch or show any other surprise at her presence, just answered her calmly. "I keep seeing his face. He looked at me. I had already taken aim at the queen, then he looked at me. That's when I decided."

"You decided to kill him too." He just nodded and Elizabeth continued. "So you did it because you thought that's what he wanted. Mercy."

"Better to die quickly then have the life sucked out of you." He looked at her for the first time and she was shocked at the raw emotion she saw in his eyes, the vulnerability and the insecurity that didn't fit to the cocky flyboy persona he liked to present to the world. Elizabeth realized that she was in fact intruding on an intensely private moment and suddenly wished she was somewhere, anywhere but here. "John…"

"I think the worst thing for him was that it was me, of all people." he interrupted her. "I keep thinking, had it been Ford or any other one of his people, he would have been more at peace."

"At peace? John, he being fed on by a Wraith!"

He shook his head. "Still, I can just imagine what his last thoughts must have been. He made it clear that I wasn't here by his choice. Whatever he thought of me personally, he never approved of me as an officer. Thought I was an accident waiting to happen. Probably was right, too. And now I've killed him and I have his job, ain't that sweet. He's probably screaming and raging up there in military heav…"

At that point Elizabeth stepped in; she couldn't listen to this anymore. "He was right, John, you aren't here by his choice, you're here by mine. And so far, it's not a choice I regret: He died, you survived, so as a result of that choice, I still have a capable military commander to run the city, as heartless as it sounds. But in that capacity, I can't have you start doubting yourself because of some guilt trip. Our situation is a little too dire for that, don't you think?"

Something akin to anger flashed over the sadness in his eyes. "Don't worry Doctor, your military commander will be just fine." The sarcasm with which he emphasised the title made her cringe.

"Will John be?" she asked softly.

There was a pause. "Eventually." Her heart ached at the pain in his voice. She didn't know him very well yet, but the fact that the events on the Wraith planet hadn't gone straight past him, that he was human enough to hurt this way, only served to make her even more glad that John Sheppard would be at her side for the events to come. Unfortunately, she was afraid telling him so would do more harm than good right now.

She was already about to turn, to leave him like that, tell him "Good night." or "I'm there if you need to talk." and just let him fight this out with himself in private, when something stopped her. Elizabeth Weir didn't act on impulse very often; she was used to choosing her words and actions carefully, something that was essential in her previous line of work. But the urge that overtook her at the sight of John's posture and face, so vulnerable and hurt and wrong for a man of his character and ability, this urge was so strong that she didn't stand a chance.

So, on impulse, she closed the distance between them, cradled his face with her hands put her lips on his. She put everything she couldn't say into the kiss, her sympathy, her understanding, the hurt she felt at seeing that look in his beautiful eyes.

After a moment of shock, he responded by putting both hands on her waist, drawing her closer, until their embrace became close and comforting. The kiss itself however, stayed almost chaste, just his soft lips on hers, mouths opened only a little bit. They were slowly tasting each other, drinking in each others presence, sending each other one message: You are not alone in this.

Elizabeth couldn't say how long it lasted. All she knew was that he felt wonderful, somehow right in her arms, and when that thought actually processed in the considerably slowed down synapses of her brain, she panicked. She couldn't do this. It was wrong and unprofessional and… wrong, on so many levels. Comforting him was one thing but this was… way too good, considering their respective positions and – oh God! – Simon.

So, even though her whole body ached to deepen the kiss, she pulled away gently, bracing herself for an awkward moment. But when she looked into his face, there was no confusion, not even amusement or forced sarcasm. Thankfully though, there was considerably less pain, as well. So Elizabeth bit her lip and lifted her hand to caress his cheek one last time.

"I'm glad you're here, Major Sheppard." she said softly. "You're a good man."

He answered with such a small nod that she could hardly see it, but it was enough to show her he understood. Understood her reasons for this kiss, as well as her trust in him, and that gave her confidence. Maybe she hadn't handled this situation so badly after all. She gave him a small, reassuring smile and without waiting for his answering one, turned and left him to his own thoughts.

* * *

None of them had ever mentioned the kiss again. But from then on, there had been a familiarity in their dealings with each other and there was certainly no denying that she'd thought about it more often than she cared to admit. Whenever he did that adorable pout, she remembered the feel of his lips on hers, whenever their gazes lingered a little too long or they shared a knowing smile. And not only was she constantly aware of her attraction to him, with each passing crisis her respect for John grew rapidly. She ignored the implications of that to a degree she hadn't thought her rational mind would allow her. But it seemed denial was, after all, a river in Egypt – and Egypt was conveniently located in another galaxy.

And denial about that whole attraction-slash-kiss business seemed to work – at least until it happened again.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

It was long past midnight and the commissary was deserted. Elizabeth had originally come only for a glass of warm milk to help against her insomnia. Now that that Athosians actually had stock on the mainland, something close to cattle, they even got fresh one from time to time and she enjoyed the taste - a little sweeter than Earth milk. But it was a futile effort, she was well aware of that. Her insomnia had reasons not even honest-to-goodness chocolate could have cured.

Not that chocolate wouldn't have been nice.

But no amount of cocoa, sugar or lactose could change the fact that she had effectively given the order that had killed half the Hoffan population – with the other half soon to follow, if they knew the Wraith at all. She might not have developed the drug, she might not have decided to inoculate the people, but she had authorized their help to advance the serum's development, even condoned measures that were against every moral and ethical principle she believed in.

And now the Hoffans had and would still pay the price, whether they were aware of it or not.

Elizabeth had been sitting at a table by the window for almost an hour, when she heard a voice ask softly. "Can't sleep?"

Turning around, she found John standing there, hands tucked firmly in his pockets. Despite her dark mood and grave thoughts, she couldn't help but notice how good he looked, wearing a black fleece shirt over his uniform pants.

She smiled sadly. "Yes, I suppose I'm still a bit wired."

Without invitation, he sat down on the chair nearest to her. A little unsettled she adjusted herself in her seat so that she was facing him. He leaned back comfortably, studying her with a raised eyebrow.

"A lot on your mind?"

"Ah, the usual, you know. I suppose I should rest a little easier now that we no longer have a Wraith on the base."

"But you don't." he observed.

"No, I don't." She took a large gulp from her now cold milk to avoid having to look at him.

"You know," he said, frowning. "I've just spent a very long evening with Carson, spelling out the reasons why he's not responsible for what happened on Hoff. Do I have to repeat the procedure with you?"

"Did you have any luck?" she asked and couldn't help the small smile that played around her lips. John always managed to make that appear on her face. He didn't even have to say anything. His mere presence usually sufficed to lighten her mood.

But now he sighed. "Not a chance."

"Didn't think so."

He stared at her relentlessly. "It was their own decision, Elizabeth. They chose to inoculate before it was properly tested, to heed no warning…"

"I know, but I crossed a line too, John. I should never have allowed that serum to be tested the way it was. From that point, there was no way things could have ever gone right."

"If you're reasoning that way, I'm even more responsible than you are. I talked you into it, remember?"

She cocked her head and looked at him over the rim of her cup. "And here you are, just as sleepless as I am."

He raised an eyebrow. "Who, me? I'm just trying to get you guys to sleep."

She snorted. "Yeah, right."

"No, I'm serious. Those guys don't want to listen to reason? They go right ahead. We warned them, time and again, but they did what they wanted to anyway. I don't see how we're to blame."

She stared at him, incredulously. "You're kidding, right? Without us, they wouldn't have been able to finish the drug in the first place."

He shrugged. "But we never told them to use it immediately."

"That's like giving bread to a starving man and telling him not to eat it!"

He leaned back in his chair again, put his hands behind his head and folded his legs comfortably. He, indeed, seemed to be perfectly at ease. "If the bread was poisoned, he'd be stupid to do that."

Elizabeth just shook her head. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. You honestly believe that they deserve whatever happens to them and that we are in no way to blame?"

John scratched the back of his head and nodded slowly. "Not quite how I would have put it, but, yeah, pretty much."

Elizabeth just closed her eyes and got up. "Okay, I'm leaving now."

"I won't stop you." John all but sang out as she gathered her cup and stomped past him, fuming. She couldn't believe this man. Sure, this attitude had shone through when he had convinced her to test the drug by letting the Wraith feed, but she seriously hadn't believed that his morals were that shaky. How could he not see what was wrong with this? She'd seriously thought he was more intelligent than that, emotionally as well as intellectually. He really didn't seem to grasp the severity of the situation. Obviously Elizabeth didn't know him as well as she thought she did.

She was almost out of the commissary when the penny dropped. As if she had hit a wall, she stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to see that John hadn't moved an inch since she had left her seat. Hadn't turned to look after her or changed his stance whatsoever. She nodded slowly and smiled to herself.

"Nice try."

She could hear him chuckle before he turned around. "And here I thought I should reconsider that acting career."

"I wouldn't give up my day job, if I were you. Besides, I'm kind of glad to have you here." Elizabeth had just realized again how true that was. She couldn't picture many military commanders caring enough to try and make her angry at him, so she would forget about her worries for a little while. Especially not at three in the morning.

Meanwhile, John had gotten up and walked towards her. The smile lingered on her lips until he reached her, stopping short only just outside of her personal space.

"You told me that before." he said softly and something in his voice made Elizabeth's heart beat faster. She was no idiot, she knew what he was referring to and the fact that he brought it up now sent a shiver down her spine. She swallowed hard and said nothing, just kept looking at him.

John seemed to take that as an invitation to lean in just that little bit closer. "So obviously," he said very softly, "distraction plan A didn't work."

Suddenly, her body seemed to lean towards him as well, as if of its own accord. She couldn't help it, couldn't control it, it was as if he drew her towards him with the look in his eyes and the sound of his voice. She took a small step forward.

"So, is there a plan B?"

They were like magnets. He drifted towards her just as she drifted towards him and none of them seemed to be able to stop it. The corners of his mouth lifted into a small, seductive smile. "There always is, Elizabeth."

Maybe it was the way he said her name. Maybe it was just inevitable. But suddenly their lips were locked and her hands were in his hair and his were travelling up and down her back, making her whole body tingle.

There was none of that soft innocence of their first kiss. She could feel his tongue sneak out and her lips opened, welcoming him gladly. Elizabeth felt as if she was slowly melting, like hot metal under his touch. He was a damn good kisser. There was just the right mixture of tenderness and passion, not white hot but not slow and sweet either. It drove her crazy, flooding her entire being, her body, her senses, her mind. She never wanted the kiss to end.

But eventually it did, of course. Their lips parted but Elizabeth bowed her head slightly, so that her forehead rested against his for a moment. Both of their eyes were still closed as they just held each other. John's hands squeezed her waist gently, a gesture that spoke of emotion and sympathizing louder than any words ever could. Then he removed both his hands and his face as he took a step back. The moment was over.

Elizabeth opened her eyes reluctantly. And while, again, she expected an awkward or tense moment, John surprised her by not seeming the least embarrassed. Which in turn, left her feeling completely at ease with what had just happened. One day she had to ask him if one could actually learn that kind of nonchalance.

She cleared her throat. "I guess we should go to bed." Obviously, he hadn't managed to drag his mind completely out of the gutter yet, because a saucy smile appeared on his face. "To our respective beds." she added, failing to hide a grin of her own.

He actually winked and nodded. "Well, at least none of us will dream about the Hoffans tonight."

Her smile faded as her head snapped up sharply. "So that's…"

"No." he interrupted her before she could even finish the thought. "No, it wasn't." A pause. "Sorry. I'm an idiot. I should just keep my mouth shut."

With a start Elizabeth realized that he was really embarrassed. Funny concept, John "Coolness" Sheppard putting his foot in his mouth in a situation like this. Somehow that was something she had never pictured. So she decided to have some fun of her own.

"No, I don't think you should." she said, and he lifted a surprised eyebrow in response. "You just shouldn't use it for talking." she added with a wink, turned around and left a stunned John Sheppard behind.

* * *

She hadn't dreamt of the Hoffans that night. But the dream she did have had returned to her many times in the weeks that followed – and it was not G-rated. When she thought back to that moment, what rattled her most was that she had seen clearly in his eyes that he'd been as affected by it as she had. It boggled her mind how easy it would have been to just turn around and make that dream a reality. But there were reasons she didn't, responsibilities, authority, propriety, Simon… reasons too important to ignore. 

Still, she couldn't help that tingle she felt every time his hand brushed hers. And sometimes, during a briefing or in the commissary, she would catch him looking at her over the banter of the team or the scientists, with that strange expression on his face – not rakish or mischievous, not wistful either but somewhere in between. She couldn't bear holding his gaze in such moments because she knew all too well what he was thinking. And she couldn't afford to go there.

But now, there she was, staring into Kolya's face and waiting, waiting for something to finally happen. The seconds stretched on for hours in her perception, until she just wished for something, anything to happen. If he wanted to kill her, fine, there was not much she could do about that, but would he hurry the heck up? The problem was, he didn't seem all that hell bent on doing the deed.

"How is this going to help you get what you want?" she asked weakly. For some reason, he still seemed to have doubts, and that indecision allowed Elizabeth's near-death clip show of the mind to turn into an all out regret.

They had always known that they could die any day, maybe not at the hands of the Genii, but certainly of the Wraith. In that light, all the reasons she had always held up for denying herself what she realized now she really truly wanted and needed, all those reasons seemed not only insignificant, but downright silly.

Wasted time, wasted opportunities. I have been so focused on surviving that I forgot to live, Elizabeth realized. God, what a fool… she wished Kolya would end it already, either way. Then that one regret would finally leave her mind.

That one regret.

_I have never slept with John Sheppard._

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rodney move.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Just a litlle filler to pass the time._

* * *

Cold. So cold.

"_Major Sheppard, how is this for credibility: Weir is dead." _

John's world turned pitch black at the sound of those words through the radio. An icy chill washed over him. But neither the cold nor the darkness had anything to do with the storm that was raging around him. No, it was pure hatred that flooded him. A hatred he had felt only a handful of times before and that he had hoped he would never feel again. Had been determined to never feel again, because he knew what kind of man it turned him into. And John didn't like that man.

But none of that mattered now. Kolya had killed Elizabeth. He had taken away the heart and soul of Atlantis – what did it matter now if the city itself would soon follow? Without her, he realized, without the first person in years – hell, decades – who had ever had an ounce of faith in him, none of it meant anything.

Kolya had killed Elizabeth.

"I'm going to kill you." he said slowly, calmly into his radio. He could already hear the change in his voice. The sarcastic, easy-going Air Force major had vanished and in his place there was a man whose dark determination unfortunately matched his abilities, quick mind and able body.

He could and would make sure the son of a bitch witnessed him do as much damage as possible to his strike force as well as his mission, before he let him suffer personally for a while. And then, maybe, when he begged for it, he would allow him to die – slowly.

Kolya had killed Elizabeth.

He was going to die.

* * *

He was running through the corridors of Atlantis. Three men down, quite a few more to go. He knew where he was going, the lifesign detector – damn, he should have come up with a better name for it while he still could – was showing him the best way to the generators. 

It was hard to keep his mind focussed. Between glances at the white device in his hand, watching out for surprises and guarded use of transporters, his mind kept on drifting back to Elizabeth. The image of her lying somewhere in the vicinity of the control room, blood-stained and lifeless, eyes staring expressionless into nowhere was cutting through him like a knife. Elizabeth dead. He still couldn't quite grasp the concept.

Unbidden, other images popped into his mind. The way she'd stared at him in shock as she'd seen him sitting in the chair in Antarctica. The way she'd told him - barely an hour later, without even consulting any of her superiors – "I don't care Major, I need you with me on this expedition and until you give me a reason I'm willing to accept, you're not getting out of this!" The way he had warmed from the inside at the sincerity and trust in her eyes.

And, if he was honest, he'd been attracted to her stubbornness from the start. An attraction that had only increased through the days of preparation, and then as he grew to respect her as a leader. When she had caught his eye just after stepping through the gate and securing the gateroom, when they had shared that look and small nod, he had for the first time sensed that the connection he felt might be mutual. By now, Elizabeth had become so much more to him than his fellow leader. This connection had deepened, and they had become so much closer than he had intended to let anyone get ever again.

Even more than his team, or rather on a different level, he counted Elizabeth as his closest friend now, the only one he was truly on par with in nearly all situations. The thought of Atlantis without her was all but unbearable.

Dead. Gone. Killed by Kolya.

He fought back the naked rage again as he entered another transporter to avoid the Genii search teams. Anger would only lead him to make mistakes and mistakes would get him killed _before_ he could make the son of a bitch pay for what he'd done. Maybe the distracting thoughts were doing him more good than harm after all.

Elizabeth. All the little things about her that he had noticed throughout the months flooded his mind. The way she frowned slightly whenever she listened to Rodney. Her scent, standard issue soap and a slight hint of strawberries, which must be entirely her. That one curl that would always fall into her face and make his hand itch to tuck it back behind her ear. The way she had that extra sway of her hips when she was in a flirtatious mood – now that was something he'd started to pay particular attention to as of late.

And of course that's when his mind went to the kisses. Three occasions he wasn't likely to forget. Each time they had stopped themselves before things went too far and each time it had become harder. The first kiss had been so unexpected, so sweet that it was almost chaste. But it had fastened that special bond between them and left him to wonder, for the first time but certainly not the last, what it would be like to be able to hold her the way he really wanted to.

The second kiss had been a matter of comforting her – or comforting each other, really. He'd tried to hide it as best he could, but he had been as unsettled by the whole Hoffan disaster as Elizabeth and Carson. She had, of course, seen right through him and known what he really felt. And the kiss that followed had been… lets just say he'd had trouble looking her in face the next day, after the fantasies he'd indulged in that night. But both those kisses had been bittersweet, always tinged with a hint of tragedy. The last one, however, only a couple of weeks ago, wasn't caused by any emotional crisis, fear, comfort or sympathy. This last kiss had been pure and unadulterated lust.


	4. Chapter 4

They had just returned from M5S-224, the mist planet. The one that had fooled them (some longer than others) that they were back on Earth. Earlier that day, Elizabeth had assembled him, Ford, Rodney and Teyla in the conference room and made one thing clear. She, of all people, knew how hard and unsettling it must have been to be fooled like that. It was cruel and shouldn't have happened. But whatever they really felt about the events of the past day or so, they couldn't let it show to the people of the city. It would kill morale if the flagship team and the expedition leader started to show depression and homesickness.

Understanding nods all around. But for John, that had sounded like a mild cop out. "So how about we don't let ourselves feel them, either?" he suggested honestly. "I mean, I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes a little denial goes a long way."

Elizabeth had fixed him with a glare. "I'm not sure Kate would agree with you, Major. That's not exactly a healthy attitude."

He had returned her stare evenly. "No, I never said that. And if you have serious trouble, I'm sure Kate will be glad to help. All I'm saying is that we should try not to get affected too much by what was, effectively, nothing but a whiff of mist in our brains. Let's not lose perspective. We're not off any worse than we were three days ago."

To his surprise, his team had actually seen his point and conceded. He wasn't so sure about Elizabeth, though. He was quite confident that she had seen his little speech for what it was, an attempt to play down the events in order to minimize the emotional impact on his team. She had her way of doing that, he had another. He just hoped that the two complemented rather than eradicated each other.

That hope obviously wasn't strong enough to keep him from checking on everyone of his team members that night before retiring to his quarters. They all seemed to be fine, even Ford. He'd been most worried about the kid, as he knew how much he missed his grandparents. Teyla's main concern seemed to be about having intruded his privacy, which he could assure her was no big deal. And McKay – well, Rodney being Rodney, he just went on about how the scenario didn't last long enough for him to actually go on that date with his hot neighbour.

He left Elizabeth for last. When he arrived at her quarters and waved his hand over the top crystal to "ring" (for the lack of a better word), it took a while before anything happened. He was already about to call her on the radio, when he heard a soft "Come in!" from behind the doors.

He entered and found the room in a soft light. He realized that Elizabeth had turned off the automatic lighting and lit numerous candles all over the place instead. Strange. He had never figured Elizabeth for such a romantic. Speaking of whom - she was nowhere in sight.

"Elizabeth?" he called.

"I'll be right there." came her voice from the bathroom.

"Sure." He answered, taking a deep breath. That's when he spied the clothes on her bed and identified them as her uniform. Oh boy, he thought, he wouldn't get treated by the sight of Elizabeth in her PJs, now would he? He wasn't sure he how he would handle that. "Um, is this a bad time?" he asked cautiously.

"No, not at all." she answered, and he realized that she must be standing right behind him now. "If you're willing to put up with my attire."

Crap. He really didn't want to turn around. What would be worse, some sexy number (which he couldn't really picture, but hey, a guy could dream, right?) or the cuteness of some ordinary PJ's? He wasn't sure he'd be able to resist either. But he couldn't very well turn his back on her during the whole conversation. So when he did turn around, his whole body was tense and his lower lip sucked in.

"Whow!" He gasped. It'd been a long time since a woman took his breath away like that. "That's… different."

"I'll take that as a compliment." She smiled shyly and her gaze dropped to the floor, before she just walked past him to the floor to ceiling mirror near her bed (the implications of which he stubbornly refused to permit entrance to his brain), to take a proper look at herself. His eyes followed her as she walked through the room.

She simply looked stunning. This was just about the last thing he'd expected. Not some cute, fuzzy PJs, not even a sexy negligee, but…

"An evening dress, Elizabeth? What's the occasion?"

Her reflection actually pouted at him. "I'll have you know it's a cocktail dress and I just felt like it."

John sure wished she felt like that more often. The dress was black and, as far as he could tell, made of some soft, rich material that he envied for the way it got to hug her curves just right in all the right places. He couldn't help his eyes drifting admiringly over her body – from the strappy sandals with the thin high heels to the skirt that ended just over her knees (both of which made her gorgeous legs look even longer than they were), to her hips and breasts beneath the fabric that barely left anything to the imagination, and finally to the impossibly thin straps that held it in place.

She had her back turned to him now, so he could actually see that most of it was bare, except for said straps that criscrossed over it and revealed that she probably didn't wear anything underneath.

"You just – felt like it." he squeezed out.

"Yes," she answered and why had he never noticed just how sexy her voice sounded when she spoke so softly? She threw him another smile over her shoulder, as she turned a little to view the dress from another angle. "Actually, I wore this dress in the vision I had on the planet. It was one of the first clues I had about this being a hoax."

He cleared his throat and tried to focus. "Because you knew it was here in Atlantis?" 

"It was the one piece of clothing I brought for pleasure, everything else is practical. But this is my favourite, I bought it just before being assigned to the SGC. I only wore it once to a dnner party in Washington – except for the vision, I mean."

It took a moment before he realized she expected him to say something now, but really, he had been kind of distracted by the way her hair curled in her entirely too naked neck over her entirely too naked back. John cleared his throat, before he asked: "So what was the occasion? In the vision.."

Elizabeth turned around to look at him. There was a veil of sadness over her eyes, mixed with something he couldn't quite read. He almost regretted asking, but then she answered. It was nothing but a whisper, however. "Dinner with Simon."

Shit. While he had wanted to see whether she was really getting over the events on the planet, he wasn't quite prepared to breach that particular subject. But since she had mentioned it to him freely, he had no choice but to go there.

"Simon, the boyfriend?" 

"Simon, the significant other in another galaxy, who doesn't know if I'll ever get home and probably moved on anyway."

John frowned. "Hey, you're not getting all wistful on me now, Elizabeth. We had a deal, remember?"

She smiled. "Right. Still, it's a nice dress and since there probably won't be any occasion to wear it in public, I thought I'd indulge myself."

"Hey, I'm not complaining here." He wasn't. She looked spectacular. In fact, he was already thinking up excuses to get her to wear that thing some other time. He was about to tell her that, when she added "Besides, every girl needs to feel pretty now and then."

Every girl? He chuckled. Elizabeth was feminine, yes. A woman, a lady even. But a girl? He couldn't resist.

"Why Elizabeth, I didn't know you could be so girly!" he mocked.

"Well I'll have you know that I am a woman and in spite of what is said about women in politics, I do have a feminine side."

He grinned, deciding to go for the old charm, since he wasn't so sure there wasn't a hint of insecurity behind her teasing tone. "Oh trust me Elizabeth, _that_ I've noticed."

She cocked her head and put one hand on her hip. "John Sheppard, are you flirting with me?" 

It was the twinkle in her eyes that did him in. Without thinking, he gave a soundless laugh and retorted. "Oh, I think we're way past flirting."

D'oh! He regretted it as soon as it was out. The expression on her face changed immediately from playful to slight shock. His eyes crashed to the floor. Open mouth, insert foot. Again. Nice one, John, and typical: he just had to go that one step too far.

"Uh…" he tried, clearly at his eloquent best. "I mean, you know… um…" 

He looked up again, hoping for some help from her side, when he caught her gaze. And what he saw there made not only his heart beat faster but his stomach turn. While her expression was unreadable, her eyes were not. They were huge and dark and shimmering with passion and right there, he snapped.

They were onto each other in seconds and all John could feel were lips touching, skin and silky hair under his hands. She sank completely into the kiss, and when the tip of his tongue touched her lips, she opened her mouth to him. His pulse began racing even faster all over his body when she put her arms around him. He could even feel her smile when she sensed the hitch and quiver of his muscles at her touch. _Oh God._ He slid his tongue deeper into her mouth and pulled her closer, groaning. It had been way too long since he had felt her that way, he thought in distraction - and it was just as incredible as he remembered.

This time, he didn't even consider stopping himself – and it seemed, neither did she. Hands were roaming over his back and finally finding their way under his shirt. The feeling of her hands on his skin was electrifying. He wanted her – badly, in ways he shouldn't even think about. No longer able to think clearly, he just went with his instinct, gently placing his hand on her breast and kneading it softly. Elizabeth arched into his hand and John felt her nipple harden through the material of The Dress. A small moan and he thought he would die right there.

Their lips parted only as the need for oxygen became too much. His hands went back to her hips as he pulled back a little, realising that he had backed her against the wall. His vision cleared and there was her face, staring up at him. Her eyes were huge and shimmering green in the soft light of the candles. Her lips still parted and glistening wet. She somehow seemed so young when she looked up at him like that, indeed like nothing but a girl. He realized that she, for once, was completely out of her element and let it show. No trace of the confident leader – yet still, undeniably Elizabeth.

This thought managed to pierce the lust induced fog around his brain. This was still Elizabeth and he couldn't take advantage of her like that. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't. Not without making sure.

"Elizabeth," he croaked, "if you have any doubts about continuing this, now would be the time to say the word. If I kiss you again, there'll be no going back."

She blinked a few times, then her hands, which had rested on his chest until now, slowly slipped away. Shit.

Elizabeth let her head fall back against the wall. "Oh my god, John I'm so sorry."

All right. He could do this. He had to. Hesitatingly, his hands fell away from her waist as he took a step back. "Don't be."

"But… I mean… how could I? An hour ago, all I could think of was Sim…" She stopped herself right there and her head snapped up to look at him. He just bit his lip and nodded. She closed her eyes. "Fuck."

John felt the urge to laugh. He couldn't quite decide whether the expletive out of her mouth was more of a turn on or an alarm sign. God, he was so screwed up. He did know however, that her mention of Simon right now had killed any mood there was.

"No." he said aloud. "Don't worry. We both know there are more than enough reasons why this is a bad idea."

"Yes," she said with feeling. "Still, maybe we should talk about this… this thing, that seems to be developing between us…"

Now he actually did laugh. "No Elizabeth, I really think we shouldn't. At least not tonight. And I don't know about you, but what I should do now is go to my quarters and have a nice cold shower."

She blushed furiously at that and again, dropped her gaze to avoid looking at him. "We are going to pretend this never happened tomorrow." It wasn't an order, not even a suggestion. She was merely stating a fact and the sad tone in her voice was slowly but surely killing him. He sighed.

"That's the way it is. Our positions…" He stopped before he made a fool of himself by trying to sound like her, and decided he might as well go for humour. "You know what they say. With great power comes great responsibility."

"And the ability to affect great consequences. Yes, I read Dr Jackson's report, too." She smiled.

He frowned, pretending to have no idea what she was talking about. "I was thinking Spiderman, actually."

Mission accomplished, she laughed – even if it sounded a little strained. Still he couldn't help but smile. Their eyes met once more and suddenly the tension was back. John could feel the urge to touch her grow stronger again. He needed to get out of here and fast.

"I should go." he said and without waiting for an answer, headed for the door.

"Um, Major?" she stopped him and he turned around. "Why did you come here in the first place?"

He squinted, then smiled crookedly at the irony. "Actually, I wanted to see whether you were alright." A pause and he found her eyes again. "Are you?"

She nodded without smiling. "Yes John. I am."

"Are we?" He desperately hoped the anxiety wasn't written all over his face.

But the smile just broadened. "Of course. Nothing that a good night's sleep can't fix."

At that blatant lie, he finally fond some semblance of his usual joviality again. "Good. In that case, I bid you good night Elizabeth." he said, over enunciating sarcastically.

Her answer was barely a whisper. "Good night, John."

John took one last look at her dishevelled appearance. The straps of her dress that had fallen down her arms, the ridden up skirt, the tousled hair and the red, swollen lips.

He definitely had to go now.

Swallowing hard, he waved his hand over the crystals and left her room. Outside, he pressed his back against the cool metal of the wall and exhaled deeply. Boy, was he ever in trouble.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: I'm not sure yet whether this is the last chapter. I have an idea for one more, but I'll see how that develops! Thanks for sticking with the story so far!!!!_

_

* * *

_

_Somewhere in the City…_

Who would have thought it was actually so easy to disable a Naquadah generator? Good thing it was, though; at least now it seemed like his plan was going to work. The two that he had disabled should be enough for now to prevent Rodney from fixing the shield and to allow him to keep Kolya's reinforcements from getting through the gate.

So, control room next. He just hoped that they'd had the decency to move Elizabeth's body. He wasn't sure he could handle the sight.

* * *

John knew that having killed over fifty men in one sweep shouldn't leave him this satisfied. He knew they'd been soldiers, following orders just like he did (mostly), and what happened here was neither their decision nor their fault. But it hadn't been Elizabeth's either. And considering he would more than likely have followed them by the end of the day, he couldn't bring himself to feel remorse just now. Instead, he was running though the corridors again, trying to avoid any more of Kolya's men until he definitely knew what his next steps were.

His radio crackled. "Major Sheppard, I have a proposition for you."

John had just entered a stairway that should keep him out of harms way for a while.

"Kolya, I'm having a hard time keeping up…what's the score again?" he panted.

Kolya enumerating all the damage he'd done gave him time to catch his breath again without having to slow down. When the other man was done, he simply answered "Yeah I did that." He did take pride in good work, after all.

"There are two flaws in your plan." Kolya informed him.

Oh really? At least he had one. Or he would – soon. "Always open to constructive criticism."

"One." came the helpful explanation, "The assumption that I would believe you would rather destroy the city than let it fall to us…is childish."

He was sure Elizabeth's ghost was laughing her ass off now, wherever she was. John Sheppard childish? What a concept! "Doesn't sound like me." he retorted sarcastically.

But obviously, Kolya wasn't one for sarcasm, at least not when some rogue flyboy pulled a John McLane on him in the middle of a storm of biblical proportions. He simply went on. "Second. If and when I determine Atlantis unsalvageable, Doctors Weir and McKay become obsolete."

He felt like someone had just poured a bucket of iced water over him as he stopped dead in his tracks. "Weir's alive??!"

"Doctor McKay was able to make a strong case for keeping her alive."

The bastard. Either he'd fooled him for the last hour or he was really desperate. The rage about Elizabeth's death had been the fuel that kept him going. Now hope started to grow in his heart. Maybe all wasn't lost after all. But he had to know for sure.

"Let me talk to her." John barked into the radio. For a moment, all he heard was static. He already wanted to call him a liar and just run on, when the impossible happened.

"Sheppard! We're both here!" Elizabeth. Alive. God.

"It's good to hear your voice." was all he could think to say. What was it about her that turned him into a tongue tied idiot? Now that she was alive, he might find out one day. And there, in this split second, he swore to himself that he would.

"Yeah, it's good to hear." she answered, and he smiled, despite himself. She really was still alive. Now there was hope, not only for him, for her, but for all of Atlantis. He didn't have time to muse on the way the two seemed to be inseparable to him. After all, maybe there was a way to save the city.

Just then, Kolya's voice rudely interrupted his thoughts. "We have less than one hour until the storm hits full force." he informed him, "If the power is not returned to grounding station three within the next 10 minutes, Dr Weir dies."

He couldn't resist. "Again, you mean?"

But the Geni went on unfazed. "Her death will buy you another 10 minutes. After which, should the power still be out, Dr McKay dies. We will then leave with what we can, and the city will be destroyed."

Shit. He had no doubt Kolya meant every word. But there was no way he could do that, not in 10 minutes. "Well, that's not enough time!"

"If you don't mind destroying Atlantis, stay where you are for the next 20 minutes. Starting now."

As Sheppard started running downstairs again, he wondered how many near-deaths Elizabeth would still have to go through that day. That was usually his job.

* * *

Near death moment number two for today, a personal record. And great, this time she couldn't even reminisce or fantasize about John Sheppard – because the man himself was staring right at her.

And what was even more confusing; Elizabeth didn't know right now who scared her more, Kolya or him. Sure, Kolya held her captive in front of the active Stargate that would lead them to the Genii homeworld, where God knows what horrors would await her. But the man currently pointing the gun at her was John.

"You're not going anywhere!" His voice was as cruel as his gaze, as he was staring at them over his P-90. She'd known he was a capable soldier and she knew how many lives he had taken that day, but she'd never actually seen him in that role. There was a determination, a ruthlessness in his face that just wouldn't reconcile with the image she had of him – that of her easy going, stubborn, yet sensitive friend who was sometimes just that little bit more to her.

"I will shoot you if you don't let her go." The terrifying thing about it was that she didn't have a doubt that he would. And given that a good 80 percent of Kolya's body were currently covered with hers, that thought wasn't exactly reassuring.

"And risk hurting Dr Weir?" Obviously her captor's mind was going in the same direction; still she felt a slight tremor go through his body. But John didn't even flinch.

"I'm not aiming at her." he said coldly. God John, she thought. Please know what you're doing. She knew he was a good shot but this was…

Elizabeth didn't have time to finish that thought before she heard the gunshot and felt the bullet zoom past her head. With all the strength she still possessed, she pushed away from Kolya, who was thrown back by the impact of the shot and right through the event horizon. She, however, landed hurtfully on all fours on the gateroom floor.

He'd done it. He'd really done it.

Then her mind went blank. Before she knew it, John was at her side as she got up. All she could do was stare at him. The cruel, harsh soldier was gone and his eyes were full of emotion as he sized her up, no doubt making sure she was in one piece. There was concern in his face but also relief and something else she couldn't quite read – and the fact that she was more worried about John's expression right now than her own well-being set off alarm bells in her head that she didn't even want to consider.

His voice was soft again, none of the dangerous coldness from before. "I'm sorry about that, I had to… you okay?"

Elizabeth was too tired to lie. "No."

She could see he wanted to say something more, but there was no time. "You will be, come on!" he assured her and simply took her hand, dragging her behind him and up the gateroom stairs.

His hand was like a lifeline, its warmth reminding her that she was, in fact, alive. Alive and able to make good on that promise she'd given herself earlier. The promise to find out, one way or another, what that "thing" was, that seemed to be developing stage by stage, between her and John. And the promise that, for once, she would live instead of just surviving in the Pegasus Galaxy.

But first, there was a city to save.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Warning!!! Entirely unbetaed! And I realize that the nickname Kirk wasn't coined until later, but I'll just pretend it was around before - I just love it so much :)

"_I never slept with John Sheppard."_

"Excuse me?!" He stared at her, mouth open and eyes wide in shock. "You're kidding right?"

Okay – not the reaction she had hoped for, but probably the one she should have expected. She took a deep breath and started pacing the space before his bed. "You heard me."

"You are saying that while Kolya was pointing that gun at you, you kept thinking about how you… how we…" Well so much to that. He seemed to have difficulty even saying it out loud.

"Never had sex, yes. It's not that much of a stretch, if you think about it. You're faced with your own premature death; you ponder your regrets..." If she continued pacing like that, she would wear a hole in the floor. Damn, she should never have come here.

"Regrets." he echoed dryly.

Elizabeth stopped and looked at him. He looked dangerous and sweet and seductive as he glared at her like that… in short: everything her mother had ever warned her about. Yet, as always, she felt utterly safe with him. Come to think of it, wasn't that really why women liked men like him? Because there was a certain safety in knowing that you would never be safe as long as they were after you.

Oestrogen, dangerous stuff .

"I should go, this was a bad idea."

She set out to run past him to the doors of his quarters, but John was faster. He stepped in her way and grabbed her shoulders. She tensed, then slowly looked up and into his face. Suddenly he was so close and for one long, terrifying moment she thought he was just going to kiss her. And she wasn't sure how she would feel about that right now.

Could she resist him, right here and now, if he had his mind set on seducing her? And an even better question - did she even want to resist him? Her stubborn side said, _yes - resist him, you just made a complete idiot of yourself and he's still your military commander, you have to work with him, he's Kirk, for crissakes_. The whole rest of her sides however were already waving the white flag of surrender and preparing to negotiate terms. Damn her diplomatic training

"And you came here just to tell me that?"

His voice was low and almost husky – and again, her rational side screamed caution. She couldn't do this. All she had promised herself was to find out what this "thing" between them was, not to act on it!

But John seemed to have other ideas. She watched in fascination as he ever so slowly, gradually moved his body towards her. He was good, she had to give him that. A woman with lesser observation skills probably wouldn't have noticed what he was doing until it was too late – and he was way into her personal space.

But as it was, Elizabeth had time to move away still, straighten herself and at least assume some semblance of a dignified posture. "Yes, as a matter of fact." She actually managed to keep her voice steady. "We said one day we'd talk about this. This seems like a good occasion."

He stared at her incredulously again. "Elizabeth, it's almost midnight, we are in my quarters, two days ago we experienced, in Kate's words, a severe emotional trauma, which involved, I might add, me believing you were dead for quite a while. You really think this is a good occasion for us to rationally discuss our relationship?"

Well, if he put it like that… But wait, did he just say –

"Relationship?"

John had still been staring at her, but now he let out an exasperated breath and turned away from her and towards the window. "Christ and I thought I was fucked up when it came to those things."

"Excuse me?"

He turned around again. "You heard me. I never thought I'd actually meet someone who is more screwed up emotionally than I am, but seems I was wrong again."

Elizabeth glare turned ice cold. "Major, what do you think gives you the right…"

"Oh we're back to Major now, are we? You just proved my point!" He crossed the room in three big strides and suddenly was right in her face again. "What do you want, Elizabeth? You come here, all but telling me that you want to have sex with me but then you take it all back and say you just want to discuss it? As in _theoretically_? How the hell do you expect me to react?"

"It's complicated." She managed weakly.

"Obviously." John threw his hands up desperately as he turned around again to sit on the edge of his bed.

"No John, really, listen to me." She sat down on the bed beside him. "The thing is, John, we've been here for over six months."

He just nodded.

"And you know very well that I have someone at home, even though…" She had to swallow hard before she could say it out loud. "I am very sure he doesn't expect me to wait for him any more than I expect that of him."

More nodding. Understanding this time.

"Still, except for those three kisses with you… I haven't…. since we came here I haven't…" She looked at him expectantly, hoping for another nod so that she wouldn't have to finish that sentence.

What she got was the famous Sheppard-crooked-grin. Bastard.

"While I bet you've had your fair share of conquests," she glared.

"True," he agreed, nodding in a deadly serious manner. "All those months, all those women. Sheep. A couple of pigs. And then there was this turkey-like thing on M4X-…"

"John!"

"Sorry."

"I'm serious."

"Yeah, I get that." He said with a sigh, squinting and rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. "What I don't get is what exactly you're serious about!"

Now she was the one to be exasperated at his apparent denseness. "About the fact that I have no clue what I'm feeling about you!" she spat. "How am I supposed to tell you what I want from you if I don't know it myself? I'm the leader of this expedition, John, I'm supposed to be in control! How's that supposed to work if I can't even control this!"

Suddenly, the look on his face changed. "You think you're the only one who's scared about this?" He shifted a little so he now faced her fully. "Hell, Elizabeth, do you have any idea what I went through when I thought Kolya shot you?" She just stared at him silently.

"I was ready to let this whole city go to hell just to get him," he went on, "not because he's of the Genii or because of his little kidnapping stunt, no – because I couldn't bear the thought that the bastard just coldheartedly shot you."

Elizabeth wasn't sure whether the warm glow she felt was a good or a bad feeling. This shouldn't be good – her military commander had just confessed a terrible weakness to her. But at the same time, John had done something that he admitted was hard and rare for him. He'd told her how he really felt.

"John…" she tried, resisting the urge to lift her hand and place it on his cheek. But before she could say anymore, he interrupted her.

"This city, this expedition… it just doesn't make sense without you. You and Atlantis, that is what I care about, the first things I've cared about in a long time. I realised that when I thought –" He took a deep breath. "– when I thought I'd lost you."

Now he finally raised his head and looked her in the eyes, and Elizabeth was amazed at the emotion she saw in them. Had he just told her he loved her? Although he hadn't said the words, he might as well have. It was right in that moment that she made her decision. She just hoped Simon would forgive her, as she reached out to place a hand over his.

"Remember how you said if you kiss me again there'll be no going back?" Elizabeth heard herself say softly.

He nodded and she could see him swallow. "How could I forget."

It was the look in his eyes that sealed the deal. There was no bravado about his demeanor right now, none of the cocky nonchalance. For once, John had let his guard down and shown her the real him. And Elizabeth liked what she saw.

She smiled.

"Kiss me."

FIN


End file.
